So after my last post which was decidedly a little anti-tech, I’ve decided to switch it up and offer a couple useful pieces of NLP knowledge that I use to keep my state positive and happy. I shouldn’t have to remind everyone though that over dependence on this kind of thing is not healthy at all. This sort of technique is powerful and does produce immediate changes, but changing your state is only part of the process. The real insight comes when you start to realize that any changes you make could have been made anyway with no technique at all, the technique gives you something to use and believe in until the desired state is only a thought a way.
For example, I once read a story by a guy who was notoriously good at meeting women. He said that in high school he had been terrible and lacked any inkling of social intelligence. Needless to say, his love-life was non existent. When he started to learn a few interesting lines or some good jokes to open up conversations at bars, he thought it was kind of tacky to have a canned introduction, but they gave him something to say so he wouldn’t end up standing there shuffling his toes looking bored. He eventually found himself doing better and better, able to relax and open up, be confident and meet the kind of people he was interested in. He started to realize that the openers and routines that he used to use weren’t necessary and he could just walk up to a girl and confidently say ‘hello’. The openers weren’t that impressive in and of themselves, it was the confidence they gave him which was making others interested in meeting him.
Using these kinds of NLP techniques is the same way. The change you’re trying to make is really only a thought away, just like the process you go through when you remember something. You don’t need to rub your elbow or say some magic phrase to remember something, just the simple desire to do so and it happens. The process of self change can be just like that when you build up enough reference experiences to realize that change doesn’t have to be hard.
In the meantime getting to the point where you have those reference experiences can be difficult. That’s where these kinds of tools come in. Use them to get where your going then leave them behind once you get there.
That’s where the idea of spatial anchoring is going to really help you. We’ve talked about the notion of anchoring before but in this post I want to focus on anchoring’s relationship to the environment around you. I.E. Spatial Anchoring. Here’s an example:
The Visualization Walk
Find a place where you’ll have five or six feet of floor in front of you and behind you. Standing where you are, close your eyes and imagine a quality of yours just as it is. For instance if your trying to build more confidence, start by imagining a situation where you exhibit the level of confidence you have right now… however much or little that is. Make an effort to see yourself first from the third person, as you imagine you appear to others, then imagine seeing the same situation through your own eyes, in the first person.
Remember to make the picture bright and clear.
Really spend a minute or two feeling this state out. Its not just about seeing the image, its also about getting into the sensations in the body, the sounds, everything. Do whatever it takes to bring this image alive to you.
Now were going to take a step backwards. When you step backwards imagine your confidence decreasing. Think of a particularly un-confident scene from your life. If you have never felt less confident than you do now, make up a scenario that to you would seem a notch down from the situation we imagined at first. Feeling yourself getting less confident as you take a step backwards and notice how easy it is to move into a worse state than the current one. You simply subtract a certain amount of confident qualities from the last step. Adding qualities should be just that easy.
Now take one more step backwards and really get into the worst possible version of the state you’re working on. Imagine yourself at your least confident, least secure, least whatever and really get to know that nasty state. Remind yourself as you imagine it first in third person, then in first, that moving down in state is simple, just as simple as moving up.
Now step forward. Spend a second or two back at this point before taking another step forward and into the base level state we started from. Now I’m sure you can guess what to do next. Take a step forward and into a more confident you, a calmer, healthier, happier you. This is where you have to actually use that third person view to really see what kind of qualities you need to amp up to achieve the state you’re pushing for. Remember how easy it was to turn down certain qualities and imagine yourself worse off, now we’re doing the opposite and spotting those qualities in yourself that your higher You would possess. Maybe she stands a little taller, has better posture, maybe she carries herself with a different calmness and more grace. Maybe he’s reading more and going to bed early, maybe hes out socializing at night and going to bed later, its really up to you but remember to make the picture big and colorful. Make it as real as your mind’s eye can make it.
Once you’ve spent enough time in that higher state, open your eyes and march confidently back into the world. Know that at any time you can turn the space around you into a sliding dimmer switch of resourceful abilities. You can turn the volume up on the qualities that you already possess and become the kind of person you’ve only been dreaming of becoming.
That’s just one possible way to do it. You get the basic idea though. When you use spatial anchoring your teaching your nervous system to associate certain parts of the environment with certain types of states. By stepping backwards first into a lesser or more negative image you’re brain is getting the idea that each state is really just a combination of certain emotions and images in your mind. By changing our relationship to them and exploring how easy it is to make them worse, we also notice how flexible a state is and how easy it can be to imagine ourselves better.
Now go out and do something useful with that resourceful state, don’t just sit there feeling good, go make the world a better place.
At home, work, and everywhere throughout or live anchors exist that in part determine but are not wholly responsible for our inner states. Image yourself at home after work. In your mind walk through your door and notice the first objects that you associate with being in your space, calm, and relaxed. Image yourself at work, stressed out there are probably objects, people, or sounds you associate this with that help your body and mind know it is time to be anxious. In the same way one might go to a certain place in the home to meditate, we can place and strengthen anchors intentionally to assume the brain state we wish to achieve. We all do this automatically, mentally associating physical sensations or objects with inner states, it is empowering to take control of those anchor and use them to our advantage. In fact if we do not become aware of these anchors the negative association will continue to exist that will hamper our growth.
So many times when we set a goal, try to start a new routine, or attempt to change an unwanted habit, we fall short because of all the anchors that exist in our life and our environment. An example might be if part of your routine is to relax after work, catch your favorite crime drama, and bite your finger nails to the quick, it is going to be difficult to excise the negative nail biting habit while it is anchored to your unwinding time. Another example might be that pet project you canít ever find time for. You come home, tired from work and fall into the same routine of home life or start into your project but get distracted by our own personal life.
When I was younger and my friends and I had a scheme in the works, either some business idea or if one of us had their eye on a girl that was way out of their league, we would convene a serious meeting and hang a sign on the wall to designate this special strategy time. I would take a sharpie and a piece of scrap paper, write in big letters ëWAR ROOMí. Once the sign was up we all got into character, and the scheme or strategy was launched. Once we assumed the role of the General our sixteen year old selves rose the occasion.
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As much as our internal environment is and should be independent from the external it is clear that our external environment does have an effect on our inner state, the extent we are affected varies with the anchors that exist in our environment. We can use this tendency in our nature to our advantage by placing and strengthening positive anchors we come into contact with everyday.
When I embark on a new project I create a list of goals, a time table, or at least a rough sketch and in the time designated to work on this project I stick my goals to the wall above my work station at home, I donít have an office. Iíll also put up a calendar, not the same one in the kitchen but a ëworkí calendar, no birthdays or dentist appointments. When my side project is posted, I get into that mode, if my phone rings or I get tempted to surf You-Tube I see the room I have created for myself and realize Iím on the clock. I realize that Iím in character.
Now simply putting up a calendar isnít going to get you to your goals. To strengthen that anchor you have to own it. Put it up and really get into character, exaggerate it if necessary, make a commitment to yourself that when you are in your new space you will be ëon the clockí.
This can also be very liberating, when you ëclock outí and revert your office back into that same old dining room table you can allow yourself to be free of the anxiety that may be associated with your new project. The anchor will become more ingrained the more you use it, you more you are able to visualize yourself in that new space where ever it is, doing what you desire to be doing and associating it with the augmentation you have made.
Challenge: Make an Anchor: Find or make an object, quote or sign. Use your favorite relaxation technique, visualize your new space, see it as wholly different from its former form. See yourself in this place, in character.
Strengthen Your Anchor: Get into character, if you are writing a resume put on a tie over your Metallica t-shirt. If you are putting together a business get a green visor and roll your sleeves up, soon the act of arranging your space will put you into the desired mind set and the character will be you.
Clock in and Clock Out: The time you are not using the anchor is just as important, allow yourself to be free of your self imposed obligation when you are on your own time. Use that lack of anchor and have control over your own mental state.
Screw Your (future)self Over: If you know you are going to be worn out and will make any excuse to avoid what you really should be doing, put the anchor up before you leave for work. When you get home you will just be entering your office, ready to work and not resenting the time.
A man is what he thinks about all day long. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
I’m a bit of a self help junkie. I enjoy reading about change psychology and what it takes to go from being the good person you are, to the great person you want to be. To be honest I don’t think I’ve even had a day of real depression in my life. Not that I haven’t had bad days…. who hasn’t, but I can’t remember ever looking at my self in the mirror and saying ‘I’m depressed’.
How we label emotions is essential to how we manage those emotions. Lets take a second to think about exactly what an emotion is.
Most of us talk about our feelings all the time but if you stop and think about it… what is it that makes love feel differently than hate? When you see your significant other walking through door, and a sense of adoration comes over you, where do you actually feel that in the body?
Emotions are just physical reactions to thoughts, and those physical manifestations are rooted in your body and anchored to your self talk.
Lets say you’re about to give a big presentation and your waiting while everyone files in and takes a seat. You realize that this is a really big opportunity to impress your co-workers and possibly earn that promotion you’ve been trying for.
As more and more people file in to take a seat you realize that this is a really big crowd of people, a lot more than you originally thought. You start to feel that familiar sensation in your stomach, the light queasiness, an internal perception that you recognize as stage-fright from the days of your high school speech class.
Now I have a secret for you… nearly everyone feels stage fright. Or to be more specific, everyone feels that little bit of nervousness at first before they jump up in front of a crowd. The difference here is how you label and work with that emotion.
The same feeling that you identify to yourself as anxiety of stage fright in the mind of a peak performer is ‘excitement’ or ‘the rush’.
Take that feeling into yourself and really give it presence. Become mindful of the actual physical sensation and start telling yourself clearly and confidently:
‘This is just the feeling of my body getting excited about what I’m doing’
or perhaps ‘ There’s that rush, I LOVE public speaking… it makes me feel totally alive.’
With practice and a serious effort you can change the habits and content of your mind to experience the excitement of conquering challenges, where it would have once recoiled in fear.
Most of the negativity and pain you felt on a daily basis would run its course if you gave them the totality of your awareness. By labeling our emotions with negative self-defeating titles like ‘pathetic, lazy, dumb’ we only perpetuate those negative thought loops and push us further away from the happiness that is our base level sense of being. Listen to your inner voice and decide whether or not you could relabel some of those emotions that are blocking you and use them to propel you into your most successful life.
When we consciously and deliberately develop new and better habits, our self image tends to outgrow the old habits and grow into the new pattern. – Maxwell Maltz
This post is going to diverge from the normal mindfulness-based topics I’ve been writing about lately so I can share a short, sweet, and simple technique straight out of the old NLP handbook.
Its called the ‘Circle of Excellence’
I’ve mentioned in previous posts that I don’t subscribe to the idea that anchoring takes place instantly or on the first firing of the anchor. While this is no doubt the case for some people, others have much deeper negative emotions anchored to certain stimuli that a little click of the fingers or a rub of the elbow won’t cure.
Over time though I do believe that repeating any anchor will eventually condition a certain state to respond no matter how anchored the negative state already is. Thats the idea behind the circle of excellence.
Creating Your Circle
Find an appropriate place on the floor somewhere and make a circle there. You could do this with tape, string, anything that will form an enclosed spot on the ground. A lot of the NLP literature encourages people to visualize the circle. While this might be effective for those times when you will want to use the technique but aren’t in your office etc, I’ve found from my own experience that having a physical circle of some kind works better.
Now whenever you just happen to find yourself in a positive, resourceful, energetic or focused state, take a moment or two to go and stand in your circle of excellence. Take this time to really feel the positive sensations in your body. What does this positive, enthusiastic, creative state actually feel like? where do you feel it in the body? The goal here is to become deeply aquainted with the physiological state of success, really feel your own power and don’t step out of the circle until you think you’ve really experienced that state fully.
Repeat this process at least four or five times. Some people will feel effects right away, others will take time but the rules of conditioning work either fast or slow for EVERYONE. So don’t be afraid to input five or six good positive experiences before you begin to use your circle to elicit positive states.
Now the final step of course is actually using the circle. You shouldn’t need much help here. If you’ve really given your mind the chance to associate those positive feelings with that circle, at this point just stepping into it should drop you straight into that positive state. Combine your circle time with some positive self talk and affirmations and you’ve got one of the elements of a champion lifestyle.
Try and treat your circle like a bank account, the more money you put in, the more interest your going to accrue. If you really put the work into depositing a minute or two of those peak experiences, you’ll find yourself able to make a withdraw at those crucial moments when you really need it.
As an admitted self help junkie through the years I’ve been fascinated by the notion of
Anchoring. The idea that states are associated with physiology, and the environment, to such a degree that just being in the right room, or making a certain face will drops you right into that state. The info that comes up on Google when I do a search for anchoring demonstrates that the NLP community still has a very limited view of this broad and expansive subject.
The idea that anchoring can be reduced to the simple technique usually marketed in an nlp seminar is foolish and frequently packaged in an unrealistic and pseudo-scientific way to justify the $1500 price tag on your average seminar. The idea that associations elicit states is so universal that to reduce it to the practice of scratching your nose or touching someones shoulder every time they are in a positive state is simply too shallow so serve as an effective description of this concept.
So does this mean that all you have to do to quit smoking is create an anchor for yourself, fire it once, and be finished forever?
NO. The stronger the association the harder it is to stop. Creating an anchor to a resourceful mindful state will certainly help, but you will need to use it over and over and not expect some magical technique to undue the addiction in your body and mind instantly. Unfortunately, for the lazy, you will still need to exercise self-discipline and control.
Not that the conventional technique doesn’t work… far from it… it works too well. However I’d be a liar if I told you it worked in the first two minutes you meet someone every time, unless the person you are trying this move on is particularly susceptible to this kind of thing… and I assure you everyone is not. This is doubly true for doing anchoring work on yourself. Some will get incredible results immediately other will have to build up the strength of their anchors over time. This technique is such a basic part of human nature though that given the right amount of effort and time anyone can build for themselves a highly effective anchor. There is actually no significance between the notion of Anchoring and the more generally accepted idea in psychology called Classical Conditioning discovered by a rather famous Russian scientist with a fabulous beard named Ivan Pavlov .
Anchoring or conditioning is happening every moment of every day… any physical space/enviroment, body posture, facial expression etc is going to bond with the strongest emotional state often associated with it. For every place in your life, every face you make, every move you make is for better or worse directly entangled with the state your most often in when you enter that room, make that face etc.
Take notice to the way your daily habits and physical actions correspond to your inner states … you may find that a nagging negative emotion you’ve been trying to overcome is really just an anchor that you fire the same time, same place every day. As long as the state you want to elicit has weaker associations than the feelings you have already anchored to a particular place… you won’t be able to escape those feelings without avoiding firing that anchor.
The key to understanding learning, behavior, and influencing your own emotional state lays in understanding the connections between the physical component of your being… and the emotional. In the next few posts about anchoring I’m going to be going over some of my own uses of anchoring in slightly more novel/useful ways than I usually see online and in seminar… hopefully the you’ll find a use for this broader more expansive understanding of anchoring your daily life.
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