Its clear to anyone who doesn’t live in a cave that there are many problems in the world right now. There’s children starving in countries gripped with war and conflict. There are incurable diseases, terrorist attacks, people losing jobs, and fat cats laughing all the way to the bank with their hard stolen money. There are so many people working on the ground level to deal with these kinds of things but as with all complicated problems, not only do we need to catch the water dripping from the leak… we need to patch the roof.
I was recently read a post by Jonathan Mead at Illuminated Mind about starting revolutions and it got me thinking… if I was to start a revolution what do I honestly care about enough to devote myself to it.
The idea of finding what your passionate about through the lens of what you would be willing to start a revolution for strikes me as a powerful tool for any person trying to find fulfillment in their life.
What in the world means so much to me, what am I so deeply committed to that I would be willing to wake up early every morning and go to bed late every night. What do I love so much that I would answer email, hand out fliers, spread information with all the passionate frenzy that makes up the life of a revolutionary?
There are so many injustices and things in the world that I feel passionate about, so many political situations, so many people suffering who I want to help but then I have to ask myself… Whats the most I can do for these people utilizing the skills I have and the things that I know I’ll be able to wake up and give 100 percent to for as long as it takes?
Sure, I could sign up and volunteer for an organization that moves food to the third world. I could even just go and volunteer for the local Food Not Bombs group in my town and feed the hungry here. These are great ideas, necessary ideas, but what about something a little more abstract. These kinds of activities are curative… what could I start a revolution in that was preventative.
I slept on it the other night, focusing on the question before I went to sleep, ‘what am I passionate about that I could devote my life to it?’ and some point in the next morning I had my answer.
The thing I care about the most, the very activity that lies at the root of all misunderstandings is the human race’s inability to pay attention. I want to start a Revolution in Attention.
Now I know that kind of answer might seem too simple for a lot of people. I don’t mean to imply that paying attention will cure all our ails but lets stop and think about what our lack of awareness about the world and the people around us has brought us to.
Daniel Goleman writes about a form of intelligence he calls ‘Emotional Intelligence’ as opposed to the more cerebral left brained sort of mind we usually associate with problem-solving and remembering information. What this means is that some people are better than others at processing data but might not be as developed in other areas like controlling and dealing with their emotions and the emotions of those around them.
Now I don’t want to fall off topic and get into exploring the specific ins and outs of Goleman’s philosophy which is already written about ad infinitum in other blog posts and articles all over the web. I only bring it up because I want to touch on the fact that I personally believe emotional intelligence is the outcome of practicing the simple act of paying attention.
While the role genetics plays can’t be left out, the amount of emotional awareness a person will have about herself and the people around her will be dramatically increased when she makes paying attention, rather than living in her own head, a priority.
When we stop to look around us, at the people, at the environment, at the technology… it’s impossible to not care. Its really even more than just mindfulness I’m talking about here. I’m talking about simple understanding in an intellectual sense too. Do you know the name of that person you pass in the hall at work every day? Do you know what’s two blocks south running parallel to the street you drive down every single day? How often do you just look around and explore… just for the hell of it?
This week, find some time to explore the things you already think your familiar with. Explore the people, places, things… just for the child-like enjoyment of knowing. Take a walk somewhere you haven’t been, maybe even start a conversation with a stranger you always ride the bus with because *gasp* it’s allowed and you might even end up having a great experience. Really start to pay attention, not only to your feelings and your own thoughts, but to the subtle expressions and cycles going on all around you.
That’s my revolution, which in a sense I’m already working on right now. Its a revolution that’s been going on for thousands of years really, maybe even more, ever since the first proto-human began living more in his own thoughts, fantasies, and fears than the rich green living world around him. Perhaps my revolution isn’t even a revolution at all in the usual sense. We aren’t taking to the streets, we aren’t marching with picket signs past the white house. My revolution doesn’t make much noise Its coming quieter than that. My revolution is about looking around you, looking inside of yourself and taking the time to notice what life is really like… then making the decision to act. Who knows… maybe you’ve passed the person who will change your life a thousand times already… but you’ve been too inside your own head to say ‘Hi.’
I don’t just mean the tiny white lies we tell everyday… ‘ oh that dress looks great on you’ or something like that. I’m talking about all the many ways we play character control when it comes to our own egos and the way we interact with one another. I’m not just talking about the times when we say something is true when it isn’t, I’m also talking about the times we withhold information that we’re worried might make someone hate us. We play rolls everyday, we hold back certain aspects of our personality that we think might ostracize us from the tribe, while we try to magnify and amp up the traits that we think will win us love and respect from the people closest to us. If you had asked me a year ago what I thought of this kind of behavior I would have told you that its the best humans could do, but in the last few monthes, my opinion has changed radically.
It all started when I caught this video on youtube about the therapist and author Brad Blanton.
Blanton puts forward a philosophy he calls ‘ Radical Honesty’ which he explains in his book by the same name is a form of ultimate transparency. Its about refusing to create the layers of self that pass for ‘normal’ in our society and making a commitment to being a single self with a single set of values, commited to telling the truth in every moment. This means not lying…. EVER.
Now I know what your saying… ‘but what if grandma asks me if the cookies are good and they taste terrible…. do I honestly express myself and tell her that her cookies are crap?!’ and I can see where you’re coming from… trust me I can. But I think the average Radical Honesty practitioner would respond by saying something to the effect of ‘ I bet your grandmother has lived through harder stuff than finding out her cookies aren’t any good, and she deserves your honesty more than your sympathy’. I can see the profound truth in a statement like this also…
Now I must admit that I don’t practice Radical Honesty 100% of time… I’m not on that level yet… and if the experiences of A.J. Jacobs are any indication… its a steep learning curve. However I have began to find a handful of people whom I can practice total transparency with. Radical Honesty withing a pair of mutually agreeing friends/lovers.
Practicing Radical Honesty isn’t about telling the truth for some kind of universally moralist reason. Its not because everyone Deserves the truth… its because telling the truth in a certain sense… just the way it is… sets you apart from the distorting qualities of the mind and language and into a state of describing things just as you see them. Blanton says in the book: “When you tell the truth, you are free simply by virtue of describing what is so. This descriptive language evokes a feeling of affirmation, a willingness to be, an appreciation for being alive in the world as it is. When someone speaks the truth, everyone around them is touched and there is hardly anything to say back except, “Ain’t it the truth.” The being within which the mind resides is then speaking and is in charge of the mind rather than getting used BY the mind”
Being honest serves the philosophy of mindfulness and present moment awareness by allowing us the opportunity to describe our feelings and state, moment by moment as it happens instead of as we would like to see it, or as we would prefer it, or any of the other filters through which we tend to perceive ourselves. Radical honesty is about taking away the layers of delusion between Being and mind and allowing there to be just this present moment description of whats happening in your own vast expanse of consciousness.
When you have to stop before you express yourself fully and think of the ‘right way’ to say something, you’re engaging in a type of strategizing… thinking about how to make your ego look good to the people you’re communicating with. I appreciate that this philosophy doesn’t always seem to work out when it comes to getting people around to your point of view… as can be seen in the recent attempt of Blanton to run for congress… Unfortunatly people aren’t always ready for the truth and their anger or marginalization of you as a truth-speaker is something you have to exept in order to walk the path of Radical Honesty.
Even though I don’t practice 100% Radical Honesty out of my own fear of rejection and insecurity… I do try to push myself harder and harder every day to be truly honest even when I might be afraid. One of the most important steps in this journey toward Total Transparency is finding a relationship with a friend or a partner and commiting together to have some time to sit down and share each others thoughts down to the nitty gritty details.
Now I realize this takes a serious amount of trust and courage on both parties involved but the benefits are endless. Taking the time to sit down with someone, face to face, eye to eye, and begin the process of laying your soul bare. Tell each other your own life story, with an emphasis on all the parts that you’ve always been too afraid to tell anyone. Realize that we all have embarrassing, awkward, immoral, or otherwise weird moments in our lives and no one is perfect.
Being there with someone whom you love and trust, and sharing your darkest most twisted moments in life with one another will blast open the insecurities of your mind. You’ll start to see the suffering that isn’t just an aspect of your life but an aspect of human life in general. The end result of this kind of true transparency and laying bare the real story of your life won’t just liberate your own energy from distorting and controlling. Blanton maintains that whenever people are naked both psychologically, emotionally, and even physically in front of one another…. they fall in love.
They realize that first the first time in their life perhaps, they are a single authentic being, raw, naked, uncut in their totality. Staring into the eyes of someone just the same, just as confused or lost. Recognizing even for just a moment that they’re together, that they feel for each other, that we’re all together in this and that true happiness can never occur in a vacuum. Please find at least one person in your life that you can have an honest, transparent, expressive relationship with…. we all need to feel what it feels like to be loved for being EXACTLY who we are, imperfections and all.
-Chris
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At home, work, and everywhere throughout or live anchors exist that in part determine but are not wholly responsible for our inner states. Image yourself at home after work. In your mind walk through your door and notice the first objects that you associate with being in your space, calm, and relaxed. Image yourself at work, stressed out there are probably objects, people, or sounds you associate this with that help your body and mind know it is time to be anxious. In the same way one might go to a certain place in the home to meditate, we can place and strengthen anchors intentionally to assume the brain state we wish to achieve. We all do this automatically, mentally associating physical sensations or objects with inner states, it is empowering to take control of those anchor and use them to our advantage. In fact if we do not become aware of these anchors the negative association will continue to exist that will hamper our growth.
So many times when we set a goal, try to start a new routine, or attempt to change an unwanted habit, we fall short because of all the anchors that exist in our life and our environment. An example might be if part of your routine is to relax after work, catch your favorite crime drama, and bite your finger nails to the quick, it is going to be difficult to excise the negative nail biting habit while it is anchored to your unwinding time. Another example might be that pet project you canít ever find time for. You come home, tired from work and fall into the same routine of home life or start into your project but get distracted by our own personal life.
When I was younger and my friends and I had a scheme in the works, either some business idea or if one of us had their eye on a girl that was way out of their league, we would convene a serious meeting and hang a sign on the wall to designate this special strategy time. I would take a sharpie and a piece of scrap paper, write in big letters ëWAR ROOMí. Once the sign was up we all got into character, and the scheme or strategy was launched. Once we assumed the role of the General our sixteen year old selves rose the occasion.
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As much as our internal environment is and should be independent from the external it is clear that our external environment does have an effect on our inner state, the extent we are affected varies with the anchors that exist in our environment. We can use this tendency in our nature to our advantage by placing and strengthening positive anchors we come into contact with everyday.
When I embark on a new project I create a list of goals, a time table, or at least a rough sketch and in the time designated to work on this project I stick my goals to the wall above my work station at home, I donít have an office. Iíll also put up a calendar, not the same one in the kitchen but a ëworkí calendar, no birthdays or dentist appointments. When my side project is posted, I get into that mode, if my phone rings or I get tempted to surf You-Tube I see the room I have created for myself and realize Iím on the clock. I realize that Iím in character.
Now simply putting up a calendar isnít going to get you to your goals. To strengthen that anchor you have to own it. Put it up and really get into character, exaggerate it if necessary, make a commitment to yourself that when you are in your new space you will be ëon the clockí.
This can also be very liberating, when you ëclock outí and revert your office back into that same old dining room table you can allow yourself to be free of the anxiety that may be associated with your new project. The anchor will become more ingrained the more you use it, you more you are able to visualize yourself in that new space where ever it is, doing what you desire to be doing and associating it with the augmentation you have made.
Challenge: Make an Anchor: Find or make an object, quote or sign. Use your favorite relaxation technique, visualize your new space, see it as wholly different from its former form. See yourself in this place, in character.
Strengthen Your Anchor: Get into character, if you are writing a resume put on a tie over your Metallica t-shirt. If you are putting together a business get a green visor and roll your sleeves up, soon the act of arranging your space will put you into the desired mind set and the character will be you.
Clock in and Clock Out: The time you are not using the anchor is just as important, allow yourself to be free of your self imposed obligation when you are on your own time. Use that lack of anchor and have control over your own mental state.
Screw Your (future)self Over: If you know you are going to be worn out and will make any excuse to avoid what you really should be doing, put the anchor up before you leave for work. When you get home you will just be entering your office, ready to work and not resenting the time.
“A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone.”
Henry David Thoreau
Take a moment to imagine your own personal little ‘happy me’. Your own, one of a kind, internal representation of the success you’re striving for in life. Most of us have some idea of how we’re going to look once we’ve achieved some level of success in our life. Maybe you have one image, or a handful, take a second here to actually look at them objectively, or as objectively as possible.
When we imagine the stereotypical ‘happy me’ walking down the street, basking in the glory of our own joy… whats so different about that person in your imagination?
Does happy me have a stronger body? more hair?
Maybe you can’t see it in the picture but does happy me have a college PhD? or some kind of fancy new business title to be pleased about?
what is it about this happiness idol in your mind that differenciates them from you? and will that thing really make you happy?
Mindfulness and Happiness
How much of your own potential happiness that your experiencing RIGHT NOW goes unnoticed, while you unconsciously derive a little burst of motivation from imagining someone else your going to be in the future. We stoke little flames of delusion that keep us going and give us an excuse for our lack of presence right now. We have to do more than understand intellectually, we need to deeply realize for ourselves that the past is over, and the future can’t be dealt with in any meaningful way until it becomes the present.
What does it mean to do something consciously as opposed to unconsciously.
I think its important to always remember that mindfulness as a concept or idea is really just the base state of human satisfaction.
Think about, when your dwelling on something someone said, or something that might happen in the future, by the very nature of your actions your declaring that you aren’t interested or don’t want to be in this moment. Your investing your mental energy entirely in the future or the past and the present moment goes by in a sleepy, unintentional haze.
The times in every day human life when we are naturally focused on the present moment always goes hand in hand with the sensation of being deeply grateful or deeply satisfied. Seeing your children after a long day at work, the post coital glow of making love, the sense of absorption some of us feel when doing a job we love.
It only makes sense that learning to shut off your internal chatter would leave you in a non-comparing state of mind, which by its very nature must be a satisfied state of mind. Try to remember in the coming days the importance of staying in the moment and focusing on what is in front of you. Not just so you can bring your total energy and awareness to the task at hand, but also because letting go of the past and future means finding the joy that is already present in the now.
The cornerstone of our philosophy at Focused Awareness, is that you make the final decision about where your going to place your attention. We don’t promise the existence of chakras or any kind of magic enlightenment experience when you practice the techniques we put up here, but I can guarantee you that with the right effort, any of these techniques and ideas can and will change your life.
That leads me into what I wanted to talk about today, something that I read alot about from other self-improvement junkies now a days, which is the idea of gratitude training.
Gratitude training in and of itself might be one of the greatest examples of the kind of ‘focused awareness’ we’re trying to promote on the blog. When you stand back from your life and really look at its ups and downs, your bound to have a mixed bag. But how you choose to interpret and read that data is entirely a choice a person has to make for themselves.
Your going to have some ups, and your going to have some downs in life. Thats a given. But the very mind we use to perceive those events makes a decision to either interpret this as a wall preventing you from getting to your dreams, or as the late Professor Randy Pausch said in his lecture on pursuing your dreams “The challenges are there to keep out the people who don’t want it bad enough.”
You must learn revel in the pursuit of the things you’re passionate about. You have to be empowered by the sense of desire that you know will seperate you from the rest of the pack and inevitably allow you to succeed where those who don’t want it bad enough fail.
3 Simple Techniques to Cultivate a Mind of Gratitude.
1. Start a gratitude journal. Every day take a few moments to jot down a few things that you are grateful for having happened during the day. (Remember, you don’t necessarily need to feel grateful for something the moment it happens. Frequently something might bother or upset me but in hindsight writing about it later in my journal I realize there was a lesson in it to be grateful for.)
2. If keeping a journal isn’t really your thing you could always practice a simple gratitude meditation before going to bed at night or waking up in the morning. While still awake in bed or sitting somewhere quietly, take some time to visualize and go over all the people and things you’re grateful for.
3. Tell someone what it is about them that you’re grateful for. This is the most powerful, and my personal favorite if only because this technique shares the gratitude all around. You find someone whom is a great friend/lover/parent in your life and tell them, face to face, eye to eye if possible, just how much you love them an how grateful you are for their presence in your life. Schedule a time to take someone out to lunch, really demonstrate, not just with your words, but with your energy how much that person means to you.
This is all perspective. Those people who stand in front of a challenge and sigh heavily to themselves bemoaning the difficulties of their life will just make failure a self fulfilling prophecy. Those of us pursuing self mastery know that we already have enough to be grateful for… and in having enough, we are strong enough and fulfilled enough to make the effort necessary to do more.
We can’t control the circumstances of our existence here on this little rock but what we can do is decide that no matter what happens, we will choose to accept it with gratitude. Whether its a blessing or a challenge, we’ll remember that just existing at all, from the right perspective, can be viewed as a miracle.
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